The darkness

Extract from my journal from December ‘08

“ Sometimes pain tricks you into thinking there’s something romantic or noble about it. It’s as if you wear your pain like a vail, like you’re nothing without it. It tricks you into thinking it owns you and that it is a part of your essence. You can’t remember a time that it wasn’t part of you. Pain is something you carry around in your soul, everywhere you go. Like leaving it behind will be leaving a part of yourself.

Bu there’s nothing romantic or fairytale-like about pain.

Today I realized that I’m happt. It happened slowly, without a big event or a certain moment in time. I just noticed the difference between today and the last time I was here.

The dark is dark. The light is light. Lighter than you can ever imagine. The Light is worth fighting for.
There’s nothing light about the darkness…it’s only dark”

If you were here

If you were here tonight
All I would do is lie in your arms
And pretend that the world was alright
As it always was with you

If you were here tonight I would
Climb right back into our bubble and pretend
That kissing and smiling and holding your hand
Was everything I lived for

If you were here tonight
I would talk to you about everything
And know
That you weren’t really listening
But I would tell you anyway

If you were here tonight all I’d expect of you
Was to tell me that you think I’m beautiful
Even though you might not mean it
We would both pretend you did

And if you were here tonight
I’d hear you say
“I love you”
and I would know it wasn’t true
and you would know that I know
but we would both act like it was
and I would say“me too”

17/05/07

Winter in jou hart

As ek maar kon
Soos altyd saam jou
‘n gesprek begin wat ‘n leeftyd aanhou
soos somer in die berge

As ek maar kon voel oor jou
Soos oor die see
Soos oor die stilte
Wat binne in my begin

As tyd maar kon stilstaan
En jy
Ook sit en wonder soos ek
Oor somer by die see

Ek ken my stilte
En jou vrees
Ek ken jou hande
En my asem

Maar soms is dit nie genoeg nie
Want dis winter in jou hart

I started this blog as I’m about to start a new phase in my life. I’m moving to a town where I know no one, starting a new job in a new place. So this is going to be an incredible and tough journey. I decided to start this blog as I love writing and this is how I sort out my life and my feelings. So now anyone can join me on this journey and if you ever wonder how I am you can check my blog. This is more of a journey into my thought change in my heart and mind than a physical change. I’m scared of what’s to come, but also excited. As I’m not a natural optimist, as some of you might know, this took a lot of time to realize. That this move is a good thing. To feel excited and to face this head on. So feel free to read anything I write or leave comments as you read. I hope I can encourage some people as I write or simply just make you part of my own inside world. Let the journey begin…