Judging

Okay so this will be a short blog. Just a thought. Yesterday we were sitting in the lounge waiting for the day to end. Everyone was talking in whatever language again and I was irritated at their lack of manners and communication skills. When I looked up and saw the physiotherapy assistant's eyes. So quick background: She is such a bitch. I'm sorry but she is most of the time. She acts like she rules the department, spies for our boss, constantly checks up on us and gossips behind our backs. She never does anything nice for us and if she does she wants compensation.

So I don't like her. But that day I saw a sadness in her eyes. And I realised. I am a 23 year old girl, I am making more money than she ever will, I am more educated than she'll ever be. I can walk out of that place in a few months and not look back. I have more than she will ever have. This is her place. This is what is known and comfortable to her. This is the only place she matters. Here, she has experience. She knows things. She is the boss. In the "real" world she is nothing. She would be dismissed as nothing more than a simple assistant who gets in the way.

And this doesn't excuse the way she is to us. But her behaviour doesn't excuse mine towards her. It doesn't give me the right to judge.

Hope

So, today I went to see a disabled patient of mine. He is a
quadraplegic and he recently tried to commit suicide. Funny thing
is, only a few days ago my collegue saw him at his house in the
community smiling and all that.

Talking to him today was...different. There is a sadness behind
his eyes, but somehow he is hopeful, but yet dissapointed in himself.
He said he cannot believe he tried to take the easy way out and that
he thought he was stronger than that. He also said that it felt good,
for a while, not feeling anything, being gone for a while, leaving
earth. He also said he wished he had someone to talk to.

We need to be His hand and His feet. The world sucks. More than ever
I realised it. The devil is winning, for now. We need to be God for
other people. When someone needs a hand, I need to be it for him
and at another time when I need feet someone will be my feet, or my eyes,
or whatever they expect me to be.

I'm so sad for the guy. But I'm hopeful that I can mean something
to him. Someone has to. And you need to mean something to someone.
We can sit around and bitch and moan. Or we can just hold hands
and believe that we will one day be in heaven, making earth
as bearable as possible for now. Our hope if in God and in heaven,
not in the sadness of today.

Okay, I’ve been really bummed out the past day…week…month even maybe. And I don’t have any particular reason to be. Which makes me realize the importance of stimulation, loving what you do and having friends. Anyway, so I’m trying something new. Here goes…

Good, nice and positive things about my life and my work at the moment:

- Being the only white person in the hospital (most of the time) provides my co-workers with the once in a lifetime opportunity to play “where’s wally” adapted into “where’s the white girl” at any time they please
- Constantly being in conversations I don’t understand gives me a chance to exercise my creative side and make up what I think they’re talking about
- Being alone almost every night gives me time to think and to write and keep everyone entertained with my blog, he he
- Being single gives me that chance to scope out hot guys and practise my flirting skills guilt-free
- I’m getting to know my computer very well
- I get time to read

Okay this is pretty dumb. In a good way of course J

So let’s tell a funny story about my day today:

We were out in the community in the middle of (insert word here) and nowhere and the optometrist was still busy with patients so the psychometrist (dude that does IQ tests) went off to a “shop”. When we were done we picked him up at the shop. Turns out it’s a shabeen and he was on his 4th beer (in working hours). Not giving a shit he climbs into the government car with an unfinished black label and red eyes. A few metres down the line we get stopped by traffic cops (which we never do because they don’t usually stop government cars.) In the end the police just checked the vehicle and didn’t spot the alcohol. I gotta say, I don’t know if the guy is just ignorant and dumb or a really good actor. Just another day in the public health service…joy.


Oh, and I realise my blogs are a bit dark these days. They will get happier again. And hopefully funnier. But if you don't like it, stop reading. I'm blogging for myself more than anything else.