In awe

I have to confess
I am in total awe
Almost admiration
Of the way you manage to get up and leave
So easily

By the way you effortlessly say goodbye
And never even phone again
As if the existence of me in your life
Was simply
Arbitrary

I know we call each other friends
If that is what would make you
Feel better about yourself
Or maybe simply for my own sake
As if any of us believe the label

And I know I can call you now
If I wanted to

But say what?

That I sometimes miss you so much I can’t breathe

It simply wouldn’t do

Because by this afternoon
You would have forgotten that you’ve even heard my voice today

And I’d once again simply be
A fleeting thought
In the back of your mind

Pictures of event

Pictures

Disability event

Today we had a big charity event for children with disabilities. This took almost two months of planning: finding sponsors, phoning the same sponsors again and again, driving up and down for quotes, typing letters, organising busses, phoning people to come to the event, inviting guest speakers, making goodie bags, working out budgets, begging people for money… this was endless doing and re-doing. Especially in government where something that should take 2 minutes ends up taking 20. So you might not actually be doing that much, it just takes that long to do.

The past few days consisted of picking up sponsorships, lugging around 400 cans of colddrink, driving up and down to stores and back, running and phoning to confirm and re-confirm, decorating, buying food. And today finally getting up just past 5 to be there at 6, chopping onions, cooking food, telling people where to go and what to do, re-doing what people didn’t do right, organising and… oh my goodness I’m tired just from typing this.

And I can say with all the glory to God and thanks to everyone involved that it was an outstanding success. A lot of frustration and stress later and everyone was in the hall and the events began. We invited a school of able-bodied children’s grade 1 class to perform an item. These were the sweetest, quiets, most well-behaved children I’ve ever seen. They arrived a good hour and a half before the event, sitting quietly in the hall waiting for the events to begin. Then during the event they were so well-behaved. And the items they performed. I’ve never seen such talent. 28 grade 1’s who know exactly where to stand, what to do and how loud to speak so people can hear them. They were thoroughly entertaining!

But the best for me was just learning from the black culture. Or rural culture. Or whatever politically correct way there is to say it. During the event people would spontaneously burst out in song. Children would dance in front and return to their seats. Disabled children would move to the music with smiles bigger than sunshine. Mothers of disabled children moved in their seats with children on their backs. It was so amazing. Their absolute freedom to…thoroughly enjoy themselves. None of the white conservative no-it’s-not-on-the-programme “we can’t sing now” mentality. The event was about what the audience wanted and if they wanted to sing, then we sang! And a lot of it was worship songs. Their freedom to worship God where-ever they got the chance was simply amazing. I am still in awe.

And when push came to shove everyone really (finally) did their share!! People were really keen to help. And get free food eventually J But I was impressed at the turn-out of people. And watching people’s faces during the event. I didn’t understand much because 90% was in sotho or shangaan or something, but looking at the faces of mothers and children I just realized that, even for a few hours, we could make them smile. We could give them hope. We could give them encouragement and show them that others are in the same boat as they are.

I think that’s what we, as part of the human race, need to remember. Others are also in the same boat. You are not the only one going through what you’re going through. Be it a broken heart, death of a loved one, making a difficult decision, or even being happy and being in a moment you enjoy, you are not alone in this. There are people everywhere suffering the same as you, laughing the same as you, learning the same as you, enjoying the same as you and simply living the same as you. God made us like this. To work together, to be together, to suffer together, to enjoy together! I hope that, whatever you are doing today, tonight, you know that you are not alone. Everything is better when we share it!

Rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS

I'm going through a little bit of a hard time, but I just want to declare how much the Lord has blessed me in this time. Usually when things like this happen I'm not strong at all. I fall apart. I do whatever you're not supposed to do to hide from the pain and sadness. But this time it's like God is holding me up. Like He is keeping me in His hand. I know he will never let go. Things may seem bad or hopeless, but I have so much peace. God will never let me fall. I can say that with so much certainty. With more certainty than I know the bed I am sitting on will hold me. God is keeping me safe. He is close to the brokenhearted.

And I realised two things in this time. I've been thinking about this for a while but is practially experiencing it now. When things are bad, when we cannot see God's plan or feel His hand, when we hurt and life sucks, and we STILL serve God. When we serve God even though we don't have a reason to. Then God wins. Then the devil loses. It's easy to serve God when things are going well. Can you not fall apart, can you stay on track, can you STILL SERVE HIM AND DECLARE HIS GLORY WHEN THINGS ARE BAD???

And the second thing, what we do NOW, how we handle things now and spend our time now, determines our future. I'd spent a lot of time with God the past few months, and I hadn't realised the impact then, but I'm picking the fruits now. The time with him previously, is paying off now. I am stronger and at peace now. God is still my rock even when my world is shaking. And how I handle things now will determine my future. If I run away now and fill up my time with things that keep my mind off my pain, I won't learn anything. I won't become even stronger for next time. I won't learn to rely on God. I will simply be running away. But if I face it now, however painful it may be, if I turn to God now and rely on Him like it's life or death...that will determine my future. That will make me strong for things to come. I hav ethe chance and opportunity now to shape myself into the kind of woman that God wants me to be. I will rejoice in my suffering!
I will declare his beautiful name!!


And a poem...it happens when I let my mind loose sometimes.

It’s almost like sadness
The way I feel about you
The way I think about you and I’m sure
That my heart is hurting
I vaguely remember what sadness feels like
It is this feeling
Isn’t it?

It’s almost like a dream
The way I think of us
Of the lifetime that passed in the space
Of a few days
Or maybe it had simply been in my mind
Almost like a dream

It’s almost like missing you
When I try to remember how I felt about you
Missing what we had
If it had been something
Or maybe we had simply imagined it to be true

It’s almost like I lost something special
But I can’t quite remember why
Like a vague feeling of regret
Is it that?
Or simply the thought of what might have been?
How can I forget so quickly

Else it was simply in my mind
Maybe I’d simply dreamed it all

Maybe it was really nothing at all