Passions

I really want to get married and have children one day. I’m sure every girl does. But today I realized I want to be more than that. I want to be someone who lives for God and who really makes a difference for Him. Who fights on His side to make a difference. I even realized today that I’ll give up the whole happily-ever-after thing if I could intensely live for God. If I had to choose. I’m not sure what that entails, but God has given me all these ideas and passions in my heart, and I believe He gave them to me for a reason. I think when I dream of my passions (acting, children, writing ect) I truly believe He is dreaming right next to me. I gave me these passions and dreams for a reason. When I am indulging in them I feel closer to Him than I ever have. And I want to chase that “dream” and that “high” more than anything else. If I die tomorrow, I want to know that I lived today in a similar way that God would have lived it.

And that means something else for everyone. For someone it might mean feeding babies in Africa, for another person playing drums in a rock band, for another person simply fasting and praying. God made us all different for a reason. He made us as pieces of Him and representations of Him. Differently. That is why we have different passions and outlooks on life. And no one’s dream is wrong, and no one’s dream is “more worthy” than another’s.

I am thankful that I have this year of “silence” to think about my future and to sort out my dreams. And I am starting to believe more and more that God gave me what he gave me for a reason. He will open doors in the direction of my passions. A good friend reminded me the other day of this, by telling me a cool story about how God figured out a little bit of next year for her. Not gonna tell the whole thing, but He included all her passions in His plan and opened doors for her.

Somehow the devil has managed to get a hold on my heart and emotions and mind the past couple of days. Until I realized today that the devil keeps me worrying about silly things, just to keep me occupied and to keep my mind off the thoughts God has planned for me. The devil doesn’t really care what I worry about or spend my time on, as long as it’s not on God and His things and plans. As long as I’m being passive and mediocre at what I do, then the devil is winning. I don’t actively have to be participating in evil, for me to serve the devil. All evil needs to take over is for good men to sit back and watch.


And I think for now, for tomorrow, for this week, my “goal” and “passion” might simply be to try and hear God’s voice in the workplace. To be patient with my patients (he he) and to be calm and not get angry or upset and not be overly emotional at ever little thing that goes wrong. To simply listen to what God wants me to do, even if it feels like wasting time to me. Maybe to learn patience. So I’m trying that, for now.