We learn

Today was one of those strange days that I was spent thinking way too much. It was weird, because I spent half of the day feeling entirely inadequate and couldn’t believe that I studied 4 years and still know nothing. I am not one of those people who’ve mastered the art of always looking confident as if they know exactly what they’re doing. When I don’t have an idea what I’m doing, it shows on my face like a blubbering idiot. Even when I know what I’m doing I sometimes look like I don’t know what I’m doing. So I’ve managed to master the art of complete incompetence even if I’m competent. Weird, I know. So then we had some students today. And I realized how little they know. And I know I’ve been there. I specifically remember being there. Actually, I still feel “there”.

But then I see the difference between there and here. And I also see their absolute arrogance and unwillingness to learn. And I realize that there are some things I need to work on both way. Sometimes you just gotta suck it up and have confidence in your own abilities. Know that you know. Look like you know. Trust yourself. And sometimes you need to know what you don’t know. Ask for help. Be willing and open to new ideas and correction. Because you will start at the bottom. Most people will know more than you do. It takes time and experience and your first year of working is not the year to expect yourself to be perfect. And even then, you will still look like an idiot sometimes. Deal with it.